For school staff, mid August starts to feel like we have to bring a very large plane carrying precious cargo in for a landing. It’s exciting but there are a million little things to think about. We want everything to be right yet we’re poised to work through things if problems come up. Overall there is a sense of eagerness among staff as we wait for the new passengers to cross the threshold of our buildings and start their journey in a very tangible way.
School transitions have been a focus of mine professionally for 17 years and for good reason. Beginning a new school year is one more marble on the scale of stress for young people; doubly so if there are pre-existing conditions like generalized anxiety, learning disabilities, or unfortunate circumstances such as housing and food insecurity. An article from years ago mentioned the commonality of nightmares about getting lost in imagined parts of a school building for elementary aged students. Starting school is a big deal. But, nervous students and parents can rest assured, back to school nervousness is normal and workable.
Here are six pieces of advice to help you or your child transition to school. All are time tested (except for #5):
- Set foot in the building before the first day, or talk to a friend who did– If the school offers any transitional activity over the summer, take advantage of it. If a scheduling conflict gets in the way, reach out to the school counselor or principal (they have to work over the summer). If this is impossible to pull off because of varying logistics, simply talking to a friend who had the opportunity to set foot in the school building will be of great benefit.
- Meet with someone who works in the school– If your family cannot attend a school event over the summer, try to establish a brief meeting with either a school counselor or administrator. If this cannot be arranged, visit school webpages to get to know staff ahead of time. For years, parents and students would schedule a brief meeting.I have always loved it. I enjoy their questions and explaining things in person compared to over the phone. It also gives me a familiar face to look for on the first day, which makes me smile!
- You can make requests about teachers, friends, frenemies, and classes– Everyone wants students to have a successful school year. Schools will always do their best to accommodate special requests. No guarantee can be granted as schools often have to say “no” because of circumstances we can’t control. But we try to be as flexible as possible. We all have the same shared goal: a healthy, productive, and engaging year for each child.
- Understand that staff members are eager to provide support, answer questions, and help in any which way– Truly, take a minute to envision this. Or, talk to a neighbor who is a teacher. Both staff and students are excited and nervous just like you, but staff are also eager to help. Our favorite problems to solve are the frequent and easy ones that pop up for students in the first few weeks of school. “Where is this class?” “I can’t read my schedule.” “How do I get my lunch?” are things we can readily, happily resolve and pat ourselves on the back for. Don’t hesitate with these. More complex problems (such as meeting/finding friends) can be solved, but will take time and patience. Again, we are happy to help all students achieve success in all areas important to them, not just subjects taught and classroom etiquette.
- Think about the mundane– I finished Stumbling Upon Happiness this summer. It is an outstanding book that beautifully shows the flaws and limitations of our minds. Who knew those two things could be so interesting? Several studies in this book show just how bad we are at predicting our own enjoyment and misery because both emotional states are FAR more transitory than we realize.
Think about how you, as a kid, might have thought about Christmas break growing up. You likely spent much of December looking forward to it only to have the excitement fade by December 26th and you found yourself bored over the course of break. The experience as a whole was much different than you anticipated.
One interesting study from this book involved college sports fans. Researchers asked one group to describe how they would feel the day after their favorite team lost. The groups who combined this anticipated emotional response with a detailed description of a typical day (including wake-up time, breakfast, grocery shopping, etc…) experienced more emotional neutrality when their teams actually lost (ie. they didn’t take the loss as hard).
I STRONGLY suspect that if a nervous student can discuss the mundane aspects of school in detail, their feelings about starting school will become more balanced and less anxious. The drudgery of returning to an earlier bedtime is more pleasant to think about than the “what if’s” that can terrorize us. I’m trying this approach when I think about upcoming flights (which I dread!). Yes, I’m scared each time the plane slightly shakes. BUT, I also don’t like packing, waking up at 3 AM, waiting in lines, rushing through the security conveyor belt, paying too much for a breakfast sandwich, sitting next to strangers, fighting over the armrest, etc… A flight is far more mundane than nerve-wracking when taken as a whole. Banality is a safe space to park my mind and helps dampen my concerns. Although I haven’t seen this run on students nervous to begin school, I am encouraging young people to give this a go if they are nervous. - Talk to a therapist- Especially one who reads all the time and offers a free fifteen minute consultation! This can be a great way to bring a person to emotional neutrality regarding the things that cause the most turmoil. If you or someone you know could benefit from talking to a therapist about school anxiety, consider setting up a free 15-minute consultation with me to see if we’d be a good fit.